Week 18 – I love my life

I trully love my life and I appreciate it a lot. As a matter of fact, I would not change a minute of it if I could. I have given lectures on this theme before, and telling my lifestory. When people hear about my life is it difficult for them to understand how I can be so positive, harmonious and happy about life. That is also the main reason why I lectured before. It was my mission to show people how you can have strength and faith, appreciating life when your child can’t handle himself, life or others. He was extremely selfdestructive and kickseaking, living his life in rocket pace, and finally took his own life after struggling with drugs for 13 years from the age of 14. It was quite a life journey we did together.

I devoted my life persistently to help him to develop life coping strategies and to see life as something beautiful. Because he didn’t. For sure, there was many things that he appreciated, but he didn’t have the patience to enjoy it. The same with school. He loved to learn, but he learned so fast so the teachers had problems to keep up with him. One teacher even called me when he was 15 years old and literally cried because of his many abilities and talents that he only used in his rocket speed and then lost interest. She wanted me to pursuade him to continue a little slower and stay at school because he was already way ahead according to the school plan and couldn’t see the meaning to go to school. What do you answer to that?

When you live a life like this you need to live in the moment. You can’t waste energy on things that went wrong or something you did wrong. I didn’t do everything right all the time, and all things did for sure not turn out as I wanted. And you can’t waste energy on something that may happen, or not. I think that thoughts with worry for something that may happen is the worst energy thief. Sometimes was I so exhausted from the daily fight with my son, school, authorities, Police, neighbours and working 8 hours daily, so my brain didn’t function at all. My thoughts were like fog. You see the fog far away, white and thick, but when you come closer it disappaers, and when you are in the fog can’t you see it at all, but you know it is there. I could have foggy thoughts and still needing to take very important decisions, still knowing how to act toward my son and still having to make the daily practical routines to function (specially important for my son).

I learned to look for the small and shiny pearls in the day-to day-life, and to appreciate them as prescious items that could not be taken for granted. I learned that every moment was a prescious moment with possibility to turn the day to a bright shiny day with joy and relaxed senses. I learned to relax even if it was not a shiny day. I learned that a shiny day would always come after a bad day. I learned that it was my own responsibility to make the best of every moment, and also that every moment had many aspects. I learned that it was my responsibility to choose which aspect to focus on. I learned to make the best of every day, no matter how it turned out to be.

My son taught me what genuine, true love is about. My love for him was my fuel and I believed in him when he didn’t. I saw the wonderful person that he was, when he didn’t. The choises I made on our life journey was from my heart, because I wanted him to live a life and see the beauty, the abundance of everything there is, possibilities and to see himself as I, and others with me, saw him, as a wonderful person. He didn’t experience that, and now when he no longer is with us, who I am to live in dispair, wishing that things would be different then they are? I can not do that. Now I give myself everything that I wished for him.

I give myself a good life, with possibilities, abundance, natures grace, wonderful friends and working with things I love. I give myself the responsibility to do the best of every day, of every moment and to enjoy whatever the outcome. I give myself the possibility to learn from life and appreciate that I have the ability and patience to do that. Above all do I appreciate the person I have become and I am so grateful to my son for he was my master. Without him and all the harsh struggles on our life journey would I not be the person I am today.

We are reading scroll five in Greatest Salesman now, by Og Mandino. I am so looking forward to read it every day and be reminded of what is important in life and to reflect over it. Scroll five is spot on about the things I learned in life and to read it now gives it a deeper dimension for me. Until now have several important things manifested allready since we started MKMMA in september 2017. That will be the subject for another blogpost.

I appreciate whatever comes in my way for it is a gift from the Universe.

 

And to end it all, this chosen part of the Serenity prayer sums it all up:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

 

Until next time do I have a gift for you, a song with Robin Williams that is perfect with scroll five and today’s subject.